tending to the bar…

tyler keith, bartender at the pig, and the man who beat me out for best minister in town, plays a happy hour set at the pig…

as he plays, he gets progressively more and more drunk (he drinks whiskey instead of water). here are some of his between song interjections:

tyler: ‘you know what i miss? trains. fucking trains, this whole generation misses trains. used to be you could do whatever, then get on a train and disappear. you could murder someone, get on a train and change your name and you were fine. now you got to bury that body somewhere in the woods. i miss trains.’

****

someone in the crowd: ‘play ghostbusters!’

tyler proceeds to play a country version of ghostbusters and then suddenly stops, after he can’t remember the lyrics…

tyler: ‘fuck that shit. fuck all the 80’s songs. they were all shit before, why do you want to hear it again?’

****

tyler: ‘this song goes out to all the fuckers who think they rule over you. to all your shitty landlords, who oppress you and take away your freedom. they’ll be living in your shitty shacks in hell, don’t worry about it. cause let’s face it, you are not going to heaven – and why would you want to? last thing i want to do is spend eternity with those old fuckers from my church. they smell like shit. and moth balls.’

****

tyler: ‘okay, i’m literally too drunk to remember anymore songs. even if i could, i don’t think i could play them. good night!’

[standing ovation]